Still trying to find a routine


note: written on June 13, 2011
As usual I’ve spent the weekend at my father’s in order to help him with some stuff (one of our cats had dislodged the graphics card from my dad’s computer, which I’ll take the blame for, because I had been to lazy to properly screw it into its slot in the first place). I also did some english tutoring with a young charming woman who I always manage to have a laugh with. I cherish tutoring now more than ever, because in my new job I don’t get to talk to other people a lot. Tutoring also keeps my mind sharp, which feels great.
I’m on the train to Vienna right now and I’m already feeling physically sick from writing this instead of staring out the window. It reminds me of the lengthy car trips from Austria to Croatia (Yugoslavia, to be precise) as a child, when I would get sick on bendy roads and my mother would let me sit on her lap in the front seat so I could keep an eye on the road and keep my brain at ease. Those trips felt like eternaties back then. Waiting on the border used to be hell, too, with it being summer and non-existent air conditioning in the car, and every single car being inspected before entering a communist country. Fond memories.
I’ve decided to not get drunk on weekends anymore until I have at least one of the few big projects I’ve got currently floating around in my head under my belt. I need more energy and time to crunch ahead. I’ve been lazy. Very lazy. And that makes me unhappy.
On a happier note: I am writing lyrics, and I don’t seem to struggle as much with it anymore as I used to. I have more realistic expectations of myself and don’t let my perfectionism torture me. Therefore I’m more relaxed when writing, with results in material that seem truer to who and what I am than older stuff I’ve written. That makes me happy and calm.
I’ve still not figured out how to get cheap exercise in Vienna. I was running last week but got annoyed by the noise, the bad air, the cars, and the bicycle riders. In Mattersburg going for a run used to have a kind of meditative quality. In Vienna it was stressful and generally unpleasant, so I have to find either another route or another kind of activity altogether.